'Tale of a mail-order bride'
COLUMN: OFW HELPLINEOFW HELPLINE is a regular weekly column in Q & A form which dispenses advice, information assistance to Filipinos living or working abroad and spotlight their stories to cull lessons from.
Q: I do not have a problem but I want to share my experience as a mail-order bride, which has a good ending. I am now 45 years year and live in Australia with my second husband, a good man.
My first husband was also from Australia. We were pen pals. I was 19 then and he was 50. When he asked me to marry him, I accepted because he said he would help take care of my family in Cebu.
We got married in my hometown and all my relatives came to congratulate me for my good fortune. Before we left for Australia, my mother told me to obey my husband and to make sure that he would send the money he promised every month.I did not cry when we left Cebu. I was too excited to see my new country and the house that I would live in but saw only in pictures. But my husband was a different man in Australia.
He would slap me when I was slow in getting him his beer or when he did not like the food that I cooked.
He said I was stupid and he would lock me in the closet when I was disobedient. My mother wrote many times that she had not received the money promised from Australia.
One day, I woke up to find our house burning. I ran downstairs and found the doors and windows locked.
I was crying from fear and from the smoke when I remembered that there was a small window in the basement. I squeezed out of the house from that window. I was shaking and crying and asking the police to look for my husband who came to see me only when I was already in hospital.
During police investigation, it was found that my husband took an insurance policy on me for five million Australian dollars a week or two before the house burned. The police said my husband tried to kill me for the insurance.
This was a bad time for me but I could not divorce him until I became an Australian citizen.I want your readers to be very careful in marrying foreigners they have never met. They may be bad people.
“Inday” of Australia
A: Thank you for your story with a happy ending.With the internet, it is now easier to meet other people. You do not only see how the person looks like but also how he sounds like. Whether courting in person or through the internet, however, people are normally on their best behavior.
Here are some useful tips:
*Research on your suitor. Use the internet to your advantage. Newspapers worldwide have online editions and most of these are free. Link with up Filipinos or the Church in the city or town where your suitor is based. Ask them to help you. You want to find out what other people think of your suitor, whether the house that he posted in the internet is really his, that kind of stuff.
*When you marry and move to your husband’s country, register with the nearest Philippine consulate. Remember that being a Filipino citizen means you can ask help from the nearest representative of the Philippine government in a foreign country.
*Open your own separate bank account . This is where you put the money that you save from your household expenses, birthday and anniversary cash gifts, earnings from small jobs performed. This is your emergency money. Remember, do not use money from this account for your household expenses. Instead, use the money from your joint account with your husband or the supplemental credit card issued by your husband’s card company.
*Buy life insurance. You can buy as many policies as you want. Make your husband a beneficiary of one and make family members the beneficiaries of other policies. These days, life insurance benefits can be enjoyed by the policy buyer herself while she is alive and not necessarily just the beneficiaries after one’s death. Buy variable universal life or VUL products, which will give you more money than what you put in after the policy matures because it combines life insurance and mutual funds which are invested in stocks and government loans.
*Instead of relying entirely on your husband to help your family in the Philippines, find a job. You can find a part-time job that will allow you to work from the house so you can still take care of the house and your husband’s needs. Whatever you earn from this job is yours to spend for personal things or to send home to your family. (I would love to hear from you. If you have any questions that need answers or you just want to drop a line, I may be reached at lahdiday@yahoo.com).
Q: I do not have a problem but I want to share my experience as a mail-order bride, which has a good ending. I am now 45 years year and live in Australia with my second husband, a good man.
My first husband was also from Australia. We were pen pals. I was 19 then and he was 50. When he asked me to marry him, I accepted because he said he would help take care of my family in Cebu.
We got married in my hometown and all my relatives came to congratulate me for my good fortune. Before we left for Australia, my mother told me to obey my husband and to make sure that he would send the money he promised every month.I did not cry when we left Cebu. I was too excited to see my new country and the house that I would live in but saw only in pictures. But my husband was a different man in Australia.
He would slap me when I was slow in getting him his beer or when he did not like the food that I cooked.
He said I was stupid and he would lock me in the closet when I was disobedient. My mother wrote many times that she had not received the money promised from Australia.
One day, I woke up to find our house burning. I ran downstairs and found the doors and windows locked.
I was crying from fear and from the smoke when I remembered that there was a small window in the basement. I squeezed out of the house from that window. I was shaking and crying and asking the police to look for my husband who came to see me only when I was already in hospital.
During police investigation, it was found that my husband took an insurance policy on me for five million Australian dollars a week or two before the house burned. The police said my husband tried to kill me for the insurance.
This was a bad time for me but I could not divorce him until I became an Australian citizen.I want your readers to be very careful in marrying foreigners they have never met. They may be bad people.
“Inday” of Australia
A: Thank you for your story with a happy ending.With the internet, it is now easier to meet other people. You do not only see how the person looks like but also how he sounds like. Whether courting in person or through the internet, however, people are normally on their best behavior.
Here are some useful tips:
*Research on your suitor. Use the internet to your advantage. Newspapers worldwide have online editions and most of these are free. Link with up Filipinos or the Church in the city or town where your suitor is based. Ask them to help you. You want to find out what other people think of your suitor, whether the house that he posted in the internet is really his, that kind of stuff.
*When you marry and move to your husband’s country, register with the nearest Philippine consulate. Remember that being a Filipino citizen means you can ask help from the nearest representative of the Philippine government in a foreign country.
*Open your own separate bank account . This is where you put the money that you save from your household expenses, birthday and anniversary cash gifts, earnings from small jobs performed. This is your emergency money. Remember, do not use money from this account for your household expenses. Instead, use the money from your joint account with your husband or the supplemental credit card issued by your husband’s card company.
*Buy life insurance. You can buy as many policies as you want. Make your husband a beneficiary of one and make family members the beneficiaries of other policies. These days, life insurance benefits can be enjoyed by the policy buyer herself while she is alive and not necessarily just the beneficiaries after one’s death. Buy variable universal life or VUL products, which will give you more money than what you put in after the policy matures because it combines life insurance and mutual funds which are invested in stocks and government loans.
*Instead of relying entirely on your husband to help your family in the Philippines, find a job. You can find a part-time job that will allow you to work from the house so you can still take care of the house and your husband’s needs. Whatever you earn from this job is yours to spend for personal things or to send home to your family. (I would love to hear from you. If you have any questions that need answers or you just want to drop a line, I may be reached at lahdiday@yahoo.com).
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